Rant

If you are obese, diabetic and on dialysis because your kidneys are failing, please don't eat honey buns, drink dark colas (bad for kidneys) and eat a bananas. ALL. DAY. LONG. And then procede to tell me it's okay because you take Phos-lo (lowers phosphorus levels from the dark colas), and insulin (honey buns) and go to dialysis (potassium from bananas). Then once I explain how this is an unhealthy way of maintaining good health look me straight in the eyes with a serious face and say "I know".

If you have fluids running, please, for the love of God, PLEASE don't try to get into the bathtub to bathe....with the machine plugged into the wall. Please don't later unplug it and try to get into the bathtub and tell me it's OK since the machine is unplugged. And better yet, beg me to disconnect you from the drip, a heparin drip, so you can shower, when you were admitted with several, SEVERAL emboli and the drip is basically the only thing keeping you alive. And then pout like a baby after I spend several minutes explaining why you need the drip and how dangerous it is for you to be disconnected and say with whine "but I want a bath".

If I am doing your discharge paperwork, please do not stand outside your door, staring at me as I try and type up your paperwork because it's taking me longer than expected since I had to get a patient ready for the OR, had an admission and then the trays came early so I had to get the insulin out to the othe patients (including you). Your paperwork is low on my list of priorities until those other patients who are more sick that you are (which is why you are going home) kinda need my attention first.

Interns, I like you guys. I really do. Ya'll are fun to work with, don't mind me asking questions and always take the time to explain what's going on with the patient. But please, PLEASE, don't tell a patient they'll be discharged "this morning", or worse yet, give them a specific time, like "about 10am". Because you guys always need to round with your attending before you can actually discharge the patient. And you have no control over when your attending wants to round. Often y'all are late, HOURS later in rounding than what you told the patient. Then the patient thinks they'll go home within the hour after y'all round. Which leaves me to explain to an already fuming patient that after rounds, you interns typically spend and hour writing up the discharge orders, dictating them and then then finally hand it all to us.

Then WE need to type up meds, set up appointments, make copies and oh yes, call you guys for corrections, wait for you guys to come down and make corrections since we can't take verbals on discharge orders as well as take care of our other patients. So the patient ends up being discharged closer to 3 or 4 pm instead of 10am. And not happy. At all.